The Morass of Resistance

The other day I wrote about an author, Steven Pressfield, and particularly two books of his that address a particular challenge that arises in most, if not all, creative people: Resistance. Then I smashed face-first into my own.

Pressfield describes Resistance as a naturally occurring force that comes, part and parcel, along with the urge to create; two sides of the same coin. This simple explanation has helped me tremendously. Mostly it helps with separating Resistance from who I am personally; it helps me to remove it from my egoic identification with myself.  As a result it decreases the amount of shame I encounter when running into Resistance (i.e., writer’s block, loss of mojo, self doubt, self pity, procrastination, embarrassment, etc.). Since these are no longer reflective of who I am, they are no longer “my” faults, but rather they are part and parcel of creation. They are part of creation, and creativity, itself.

Part of the trick in working with Resistance and overcoming it is to identify when it happens. In his new book, Do The Work, Pressfield mentions that every project of significant effort will crash. There is a moment, perhaps short and perhaps not, that will leave you feeling like you can’t do it, it’s not good enough, it’s not worth enough, you are not worthy, good enough, smart enough, fast enough, bright enough, charming enough, deserving enough, …you get the point. Something, or everything, will conspire against you to make you give up, stop, quit, throw in the towel, fail. It might be that your hard drive crashes, the camera aperture mechanism quits, someone doesn’t like your work, YOU don’t like your work, you run out of money, you come into a large sum of money, whatever…

The key is that something will throw you off your game and it is up to you to notice it is Resistance, find the fix to the disruption, and finish the project. I had this happen to me recently.

As you might have noticed, this blog is my attempt to understand creativity through the photographic medium. It also involves writing, wondering, gnashing teeth, and wrestling with ideas. It also involves connecting with others. Well, as per usual, I did that the other day, happily proud of my observations and completely unaware that I would be bulldozed by Resistance. I wrote a comment on a contact’s blog about those hard-to-define buzzwords in photography: vision and voice. I was proud of what I wrote and wholly unprepared for what followed.

A couple of comments later was a comment from the mentor of the blog owner that I felt undercut my comment. I was crushed and felt myself buckle at the sting; and I experienced Resistance wash over me and begin to drag me down into its morass. Now, I have to point out that, upon reflection and re-reading, the comment by this person was not bad and not necessarily pointed at me. And, to be fair, probably was not even aimed at my fragile ego. The gentleman was simply making a point and taking part in the conversation. What is poignant in this experience for me was my interpretation of the commentary and what that did.

I began to doubt myself, slowly at first but then it began to gain steam: was I wrong?; did I know what I was talking about?; what right to I have to make a comment such as this?; do I even know what I am talking about?; this guy is a well respected photographer and I’m a nobody so I need to just shut up, or better yet, give up. stop. Quit while I’m ahead. Quit while I still can. With each negative thought my mind found evidence to validate it. I could feel myself begin to question my entire reason for blogging, for writing, for photographing even (after all I work a full-time plus job, I have a family to care for, a home to care for, aging parents to worry over…see, lots of validation for my questioning.) Woah, that was fast!

Thankfully I was simultaneously reading Do The Work, especially the section on your project crashing, and I was able, slowly, to notice that Resistance had me in a headlock. This knowledge can be enough to break free-and give fodder for a blog post or two about creativity. The trick is to notice that Resistance has arisen, identify any problem that is getting in the way of the work, fix it, and continue the work. For me that involved identifying and understanding my motivation for continuing this exploration of creativity through photography: to answer the “why” of the quest; to find the meaning in the journey. By knowing this I can settle back into to work despite Resistance gnashing at my ankles. And perhaps I can continue to try to define my understanding of vision and voice.