I was observing myself the other day. I was observing what I was feeling and what I was thinking, specifically about photography. And in this time of gift giving and gift receiving I was thinking about all the many things I would love to receive as a gift. Lately I’ve been wanting a digital rangefinder camera along the likes of a Fuji x100 or Fuji XPro-1 as many of my friends have switched to from larger dSLR bodies.
I began to notice all the justifications in my brain about what I could do with these new, smaller, quieter camera bodies and their fantastic lenses and lack of AA filter. And I noticed that I thought – well, actually believed – that my photography would improve if I had one of those cameras. That my pictures would be better. That more people would see and like my work. That my website would get more traffic. That I would receive more praise. That I would like my pictures more. That I could move about more freely with these smaller cameras.
And some of that might be true. But, you know, really I need more time.
I need time to work on projects. I need time to follow ideas through. I need time to process and organize and make books and upload and, and, and.
And I need time to spend with my wife and kids. And time to play. And time to read. And time to settle into my skin. And time to work.
And I began to realize that I need time. And if I need time, then that is what I need most.
And as I steadfastly approach my mid century of life I look back and realize it has all gone so fast so far. And while my best years might still be yet to come, I believe I have fewer of them. I look at my parents, my siblings, my friends, and I see the unmistakable marks of age and experience on their bodies and this mirrors back to me to be aware and present to that most precious and finite of commodities.
Time.
We have all we have, I suppose. And we have plenty of it, for now. (I’m certain I will argue that point in the end.)
But here it is: new camera? Or time?
A new camera won’t improve my photography, my way of seeing, my way of telling a story. But, if I apply what time there is well, I just might. Just me, awareness, and time.
